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NFL Week 15 Power Rankings After a one week hiatus, the power rankings are back and better then ever for the final two weeks of the 2007 NFL regular season. First things first, if you watched the Bengals game on Saturday, you are now aware of two things; the Bengals are terrible and if you were thinking about satellite TV, Bryant Gumbel’s inept announcing skills for the NFL network are enough to make you want to sign a cable contract for life. Seriously, was Al Gore the running back for the 49ers on Saturday, because I always thought he was a former vice president (for the record, Frank Gore was the running back, but don’t tell Gumbel because he still does not know). After the game, I took my satellite dish and Chuck Norris chopped it three times before I got on my knees and begged my cable operator to take me back. The moral of the story is simple, Deion Sanders is awesome and he can baby-sit my first born child anytime he wishes. Let’s get to our Christmas themed rankings... NFC 1. Dallas Cowboys- Trust me Terrell Owens, if Jessica Simpson was your girlfriend, your quarterback rating would also be below 40. The Cowboys may have choked against the Eagles, but they have the Panthers coming to town this week. Carolina’s offense is so bad; they couldn’t score with my ex-girlfriend, and let’s just say everyone can score in that situation. I’ll take the Boys 31-13. 2. Green Bay Packers- The only record Brett Favre hasn’t set this year is the one held by Bronco running back Travis Henry for most illegitimate children, I’ll say he doesn’t touch that one. The Pack travels to Chicago Sunday in a game I see them winning 27-20.
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- The only way Tampa does not win the third seed is if they choke harder then the 2007 Mets. And unless you have terminal lung cancer, that kind of choking is not possible. Tampa over San Francisco 24-17. 4, Seattle Seahawks- Seattle is the fourth best team in the NFC and I will bet my college diploma that they lose to the Ravens on Sunday. That’s right, the team that lost to the Dolphins will beat the NFC West leader 20-17. 5. Minnesota Vikings- Not to toot my own horn (you know I am serious when I use the word toot), but over a month ago, I had the Vikings in my rankings. This means I knew they were playoff bound before people even knew they were good, now every expert this side of Bristol, Connecticut is on their jock. That being said, I am going to move the Vikings into the fifth seed, lets see if the boys in Bristol are in fact stealing my work. Vikings 31-20 over the Redskins. 6. New York Giants- I was watching the Giants-Redskins game on Sunday, then I decided that shaving my cats legs would be more exciting. The Giants head to Buffalo needing one win to clinch a playoff berth, I say they don’t get it, and I say they lose to the Patriots the following week. The Giants are going to back their way into the playoffs like Britney Spears backed her way into parenthood. Bills 23-20 over the Giants. AFC 1. New England Patriots- The Patriots are playing the Dolphins this week. The spread for the game is 21 points, I haven’t seen anything spread that wide since the birthing scene in Knocked Up, I’ll take the Patriots to cover, 45-17. 2. Indianapolis Colts- The Colts are playing a team that is led by Sage Rosenfels, imagine if Ron Jeremy had parted the red sea, that is how Godless I become when I think of Sage Rosenfels as a starting quarterback. I’ll take the Colts 31-21. 3. San Diego Chargers- San Diego has gone from 1-4 to the number three seed in the AFC. They’re a plucky little team, they’re like the little engine that could. I see this little engine steamrolling the Broncos on Monday Night, 24-20. 4. Cleveland Browns- I have seen documentaries on the north pole that have less snow then Browns game did on Sunday. On a side note I thought I would have a doctorate in gynecology before a kicker would hit the stanchon (the post that holds up the crossbar and uprights) twice in one season. For that reason alone, I say the Browns win the AFC North, but can they beat the Bengals... 5. Jacksonville Jaguars- Let’s face it Jaguar fans, the Jags are heading toward that inevitable first round playoff loss, I might consider cheering for another team, like the Patriots. I drank egg nog today for the first time all holiday season and that can only mean a 20-13 Jaguar victory over the Raiders. 6. Pittsburgh Steelers- The Steelers and their suddenly pathetic defense head to St. Louis for a Thursday night showdown. The problem is, St. Louis is pathetic all the way around, from the offense to the defense to the water boy, and this means a Steelers 27-21 victory. Rest of the Best... Eagles at Saints- I am going to have to check my fridge on this one, if I find something moldy, Eagles win, if not, Saints win... Crap, something is really moldy; I’ll take the Eagles 24-20. Chiefs at Lions- The Lions have fallen apart and Jon Kitna all of the sudden looks like he would rather spend his Sundays in church and not on a football field. However, my bible says Lions 27-17. Falcons at Cardinals- If Kurt Warner is on your fantasy team and your trying to win a championship this week, you had best start him if you know what is good for you. Cardinals 38-17 over the Falcons. Jets at Titans- The Jets are terrible, so this makes my pick easy, Titans 27-17 over the Jets. BROWNS at BENGALS- The Browns may very well make the playoffs, so all I ask is this, Santa, please do not go to Cleveland. If you must go, give them all lumps of coal or reindeer manure, I don’t really care. And please make sure you stop at the Palmer house and deliver Carson his Chad Johnson fathead. I’ll take the Browns 31-27. Growlzoen.com NFL News |
