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The only thing more exciting then Chris Henry with a case of beer, four underage girls and a cheap hotel room is this week’s power rankings. With Thanksgiving and Thursday football only a week away, the power rankings will be coming out a day earlier for the rest of the season, I know, it’s like Christmas is coming early this year. Now let’s get to football. Week 10 of the NFL season brought us more surprises then a Ricky Williams urine sample with no traces of marijuana. The Rams over the Saints, are you kidding, only Britney Spears’ parenting skills have been more pathetic then the Rams offense. Arizona over Detroit, I would be shocked, except for the fact that the Cardinals assaulted the Steelers in week four. The Falcons (the fricking Falcons) have as many wins as the Bengals, I smell a Carson Palmer for Joey Harrington trade in the works. And seriously, what mob are Peyton Manning and Adam Vinatieiri in debt to, because I haven’t seen anyone throw a game like that since former Steelers QB Neil O’Donnell in Super Bowl XXX. And the Chargers, only Norv Turner could produce a game plan that could almost squander six interceptions.
Alright, it’s time to see what the week 10 shake-up did to the rankings… NFC 1. Dallas Cowboys- The Cowboys, for all intents and purposes, are undefeated (I have stopped counting losses to the Patriots, it’s only fair). Do you think the Cowboys defense is having cold sweats at night thinking about Jason Campbell and the Redskin offense, I don’t, I’ll take Dallas 30-20.
2. Green Bay Packers- Brett Favre has now thrown for over 60,000 yards in his career, I don’t think I have walked that far this year, and we’re 11 months into it. Lucky for Green Bay they have a de facto off week with the Panthers coming to town. This has let down written all over it, but I think Mr. Favre will rally the troops, 28-17 Packers. 3. Seattle Seahawks- The only time a shut out isn’t impressive is when it’s against the 49ers. When I looked at the NFL schedule before the season, I really liked the week 11 battle between the Bears and Seahwaks, now I think I am going to watch Operation Dumbo Drop instead. However, I will still make a pick, Seattle 21-17 over the Bears. 4. New Orleans Saints- Remember when the Saints were bad (I don’t know how you could forget, it was only four weeks ago), well the NFC South is bad, so it only makes sense that a bad team would win a bad division. I think that Drew Brees and company will probably take out last week’s loss on their opponent this week, the Texans. The Saints will take this game 38-24. 5. Detroit Lions- The biggest game of the season thus far for the Lions will be this Sunday when Eli Manning and friends invade Ford Field. Both teams are 6-3, but only one is quarterbacked by the immortal Jon Kitna. The winner will be able to start making play off reservations. I live by two rules when picking football games, always bet on black and never pick against the Lions at home (I may have mixed my gambling rules up, I’m not sure), but I’ll take the… 6. New York Giants- As I just mentioned, the Giants will be voyaging to Motown this Sunday for a crucial week 11 match up. The only problem is they’re going to be wearing white and their going to Detroit, who am I to break my own gambling rules, I’ll take the Lions 27-24. AFC 1. New England Patriots- I have a feeling that during the off week Bill Belichick spent 168 hours in the office, Tom Brady spent 168 hours with four different Super Models and Randy Moss hung out with Ricky Williams. What does all of this mean, it means that the Patriots take down the Bills 38-21. 2. Indianapolis Colts- Yes people, the Colts are still ahead of the Steelers. When you visibly try to lose a game and then still manage to almost win it, that means you’re good, real good. I don’t think Mr. Manning is going to throw six interceptions this week; I’ll take the Colts over the Chiefs 31-17. 3. Pittsburgh Steelers- If I was a criminal on the run, I would do my best to get in touch with Ben Roethlisberger because this guy laughs at trouble, then punches it in the face and steps on its groin. However, I don’t foresee Big Ben getting in much trouble Sunday; I’ll take the Steelers over the Jets 31-14. 4. San Diego Chargers- San Diego has a lot to prove this week, namely, that Darren Sproles is not their whole offense (trust me, it’s bad when your third string running back is your whole offense and in turn your offense is really a product of good special teams). So as the Chargers head to Jacksonville this week, I think I’ll take… 5. Jacksonville Jaguars- I don’t like picking a team to win if Quinn Gray is their quarterback, it’s the same way a Bengals fan would have felt last season if Doug Johnson started a game. That being said, the Chargers are playing like a 4-year-old is calling their offense, so I’ll take the Jags 27-20. 6. Cleveland Browns- Yes, the Browns are in the rankings for a second straight week. Why, because the Titans play offense every week like they’re trying to lose and the Browns have an easy schedule to close the season. How easy, imagine getting to play the Miami Dolphins seven straight times. Obviously, I’ll take Cleveland 27-14 over a Ravens team that some how won the AFC North last season. Watch these games only if you are inebriated… Dolphins at Eagles- 0-9 meet 0-10, Eagles 27-13. Raiders at Vikings- Without Adrian Peterson, I just don’t know how good the Vikings are, but I’ll assume it’s good enough to beat the Raiders 20-13. Buccaneers at Falcons- If the Falcons win and the Saints lose, Atlanta would be one game out of first, I’ll stop fantasizing for the sake of Falcons’ fans, Bucs 20-17. Rams at 49ers- The Rams scored 37 points last week, the 49ers scored 0, uhm, I think I’ll take the Rams, 31-10. Titans at Broncos- If the Titans are going to miss the playoffs, then they have to start losing, I think Monday night in Denver is a great place to start. Broncos 20-13. Cardinals at Bengals- Finally, it’s time for the serious stuff. I wouldn’t be shocked if the final score of this game was 81-77. However, Kurt Warner has not been good at sustaining success over the last six years. As a matter of fact, Kurt has only been consistently good at two things during that time period; praying to God and sporting three days worth of facial hair growth every Sunday. The Bengals defense should have some confidence following the Baltimore game, but that will be shot by the end of the first half Sunday. What does all of this mean, it means I’m taking the Bengals 27-24. Last Week: 6-8 (I know, scientists can train mice to make better picks)
Season: 69-40 |
