Ladies and gentleman, Friday is the best day of the week for two reasons, no work on the weekends and my impeccable power rankings. I’ve had four days to dissect everything but a frog. Forget what you have read on other sites, they’re wrong, I’m right and the Patriots cheat, that is as clear as I can be. For those of you not familiar with my rankings, it’s simple, I rank 12 teams, because 12 teams make the playoffs, oh yea, and I don’t ever rank the Browns, Redskins or Raiders because, well, their terrible, just like Britney Spears’ performance at the MTV video music awards, but that’s another article. Let’s get to the fun stuff…Oh, on a side note; I am ranking a lot of AFC teams this week, because comparing the NFC with the AFC is like comparing Menudo and the Beatles. One more thing, each ranking is followed by my pick for the team’s following game, if you need money, call your bookie, I am never wrong.

1. Cincinnati Bengals- Is it just me or did everyone else notice that the Ravens “lost” this game according to every expert in the country. Best week one victory goes to the Bengals, the “my whole team is injured” award goes to the Ravens. Bengals 31-13 over the Browns.

2. Indianapolis Colts- Wow, is New Orleans that bad or is Indy that good, for the sake of the Bengals Super Bowl hopes, I hope New Orleans is that bad. Look for a good game this week between the Colts and Titans. Indy 27-17.

3. New England Patriots- I have not seen cheating this bad since Hugh Grant and the hooker. However, as former wrestler Ric Flair says “Win if you can, lose if you have to, but always cheat.” Bill Belichek must have been a big wrestling fan. Read on for the prediction to the Patriots next game.

4. San Diego Chargers- Wow, is Chicago that bad or is San Diego that good, for the sake of the Bengals Super Bowl hopes, I hope Chicago is that bad. Yea, that’s not deja vu, you’re reading the same thing twice. Patriots 34-31 over the Chargers.

5. Pittsburgh Steelers- The last time I read the words “Brown” and “beaten up miserably” in the same sentence had to with Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Apparently the Steelers played the role of Bobby on Sunday. Steelers 24-14 over the Bills.

6. Denver Broncos- Denver won on a field goal that was luckier then a winning powerball ticket. However, they do play the Raiders this week, that’s like Team USA playing Ethiopia in basketball. Broncos 24-10.

7. Tennessee Titans- David Garrard is not good, Vince Young is, I hope Jacksonville kept their reservations for last place in the AFC South. Indy 27-17 over the Titans.

8. Houston Texans- Yes, the Texans are ranked, your mind is not playing tricks on you. By default, any one win AFC team is better then a no win NFC team. Oh and be sure to tease David Carr this week. Texans 20-17 over the Panthers.
9. Baltimore Ravens- If they can’t overcome the 19 injuries they sustained in the Monday night opener, it could be a long season. The Ravens play the Jets this weekend, they’ll win by 17, trust me.

10. Dallas Cowboys- Jenna Jameson scores a lot, the Cowboys score a lot. Welcome to the power rankings NFC. Cowboys 27-16 over the Dolphins.

11. Green Bay Packers- I like Brett Favre, I hope he wins another Super Bowl, but I also hope Jack Bauer wears a Bengals jersey in the season 7 premiere of 24. No Eli Manning, no win for the Giants. Packers 20-13 over the Giants.

12. Cleveland Browns- The Browns are terrible; I just wanted them in my rankings so Bengals fans can be proud that we beat a top 12 team. Cincy rolls 31-13.

 Growlzone.com Cincinnati Bengals News