NFC North

Let’s just give this title to the Chicago Bears and move on with life. This division is like the boy band N*Sync, you have Justin Timberlake (Chicago) and then everybody else. The Bears losing the division this year would be like an I-AA school beating an I-A preseason top 5 college football team, and we know that never happens, right?

4. Detroit Lions- I like Jon Kitna, I really do, but sadly, he has the arm strength of a third string high school quarterback, which is OK when you’re dinking and dunking your way down the field, but when you’re trying to hit your star rookie Calvin Johnson on a fly pattern with 4 minutes left in the game...uhm, I forget my point, but I’m chalking this season up as a wash.    
Best Case Scenario-6-10 the scheduling Gods gave Detroit a week one present with a game against the Raiders, now for the love of Barry Sanders; please do not squander this precious gift.
Worst Case Scenario-2-14 Circle Sunday December 16 on your calendars, the Lions travel to San Diego that day and I think it’s going to be about as pretty as a botched rhinoplasty.

3. Minnesota Vikings- If you can answer the age old question “Besides Favre, Rex Grossman and Kitna, who is the fourth starting quarterback in the north,” then you either A. have to much time on your hands, B. have a horrible fantasy team or C. had a tumultuous childhood because you were raised a Vikings fan. Anyway, if something should happen to current Vikings starting QB Tarvaris Jackson, there is always legendary backups Brooks Bollinger and Kelly Holcomb.
Best Case Scenario-7-9 Give the ball to running backs Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor...a lot!!
Worst Case Scenario-4-12 the Vikings have a lot of questions and not a lot of answers, kind of like me when I took the SAT for the first time.

2. Green Bay Packers- The Packers have Brett Favre. Brett Favre will never quit, Brett Favre is going to play until he is 66, Brett Favre is not a man, and he is a machine. And sadly for the Packers, machines don’t throw the football so well in the twilights of their careers.
Best Case Scenario-8-8 the chances of 8-8 are about 3 percent or about the same as the chances are for Michael Jackson hosting the next Nickelodeon Kids’ choice awards with slumber party immediately following the show at his place.
Worst Case Scenario-4-12 After and 0-10 start, Favre trades himself to the Bears.

1. Da’ Bears- I am going to look at the Bears like an ex-girlfriend, I am not going to focus on her bad features (their quarterback), but rather her good ones (like their defense). The Bears defense is like the Hoover Dam, it can stop anything. I can hear the prayers in Chicago now “Please don’t Rex screw up the season, Please don’t let Rex screw up the season...”
Best Case Scenario-12-4 Rex does not screw up the season.
Worst Case Scenario-9-7 Rex screws up the season.

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