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Week 14 Power Rankings Raise your hand if you can stop the Bengal’s offense, uhm, Ravens, Browns, Saints, Raiders, you guys can put your hands down. Raise your hand if you gave up over 40 points last week and you’re still left on the Bengal’s schedule; don’t be shy Colts, keep your hand up, you to Denver… What does all of this mean? It means that the Bengal’s offense is sexy and if Santa is rewarding sexiness this year (and when does he not) then Mrs. Carson Palmer can expect a nice negligee and some playoff tickets under the tree. Now it’s time to the get to the important stuff, the Crosstown shootout, as a Miami grad, my heart is with the Redhawks, so I am going to say Xavier 76-67. Now to the rankings and the picks, and remember, if you call your bookie, I get half of your winnings… NFC 1. Chicago Bears- Let’s see, Rex Grossman vs. Bruce Gradkowski, a battle of two surefire hall of fame quarterbacks in Chicago this week. Lets go with da’ Bears over da’ Bucs 17-10. 2. New Orleans Saints- I’m finally sold on the Saints, when you treat the Cowboys like Bobby Brown treats his women, then you deserve a two seed. And with the hapless Redskins coming to town, the Saints will be one step closer to the Promised Land. Saints 34-17.
3. Seattle Seahawks- How can a team lose to the Cardinals and still be in the playoff chase, the simple answer, because everyone and their sister still has a shot at the playoffs in the NFC. However, Seattle will wrap things up Thursday when the 49ers come to town, 27-20 Seahawks. 4. Dallas Cowboys- Ouch, Dallas, I haven’t see anyone beat that bad since Peter McNeeley lost to Mike Tyson in 89 seconds. And I hope Terrell Owens received his shots for bird flu because the Falcons will be on the field Saturday night. Mike Vick loves the spotlight, Falcons 26-24. 5. Atlanta Falcons- If Mike Vick is in the Georgia Dome Saturday night, the Falcons win, if for some reason he hits up a strip club with his brother Marcus instead of the game, I give the edge to the Cowboys…I’m reasonable, Falcons 26-24. 6. N.Y. Giants- This spot is up for grabs Sunday in New York when the Eagles come to town. Jeff Garcia is allotted one good game a year, I think he has used his quota. Giants 20-17 over the Eagles. AFC 1. San Diego Chargers- I don’t like rooting for San Diego, but every time I look at their schedule, I think to myself, “wow that would be great for the Bengals if the Chargers were to win…” As such, I fully expect the Chiefs to falter on the left coast. Chargers 31-17 over the kids from Kansas City. 2. Baltimore Ravens- How come the Bengals get Indianapolis and Baltimore gets the Browns, why doesn’t the NFL just gift wrap the division title. Ravens 23-13 over the Browns. 3. Indianapolis Colts- Is it just me or are the Colts losing uncharacteristically early this year, don’t they usually wait until January? For Monday night’s pick keep reading. 4. New England Patriots- You know what cures a humiliating loss, a mid-December visit by the Houston Texans. If the Patriots lose this one, they should fire somebody; the water boy, the coach, the ticket manager, I don’t care, I just like when things get spiced up. That being said, Patriots 21-14 over the Texans. 5. Cincinnati Bengals- I expect the Bengals to put up a score in honor of every player that has been arrested this year. Let’s see, that’s eight players, so that makes eight scores. We’ll go ahead and make those four field goals and four touchdowns. I was never a good math student, so let’s just say the Bengals score 41 and the Colts manage 31. On the other hand, with so much on the line (not to mention a national spotlight), I could see this turning into a defensive struggle, in that case, Bengals 21-17. 6. Jacksonville Jaguars- I swore that I would never put a team in the playoffs if they lost to the Texans twice in one season, well I lied…kind of…. The Jags lose to the Titans this week when Moses himself shows up in another Titans miracle, 24-21 Titans. And this opens up a tiny little opportunity for the J-E-T-S or Broncos. |
