Week 12 Power Rankings

So the playoff picture is starting to take shape, though what shape, I can’t quite tell you. The first ever “Scott Norwood Choke of the week” officially goes to the N.Y. Giants. So minus the Giants, let’s jump feet first into this weeks rankings… On a side note, a new feature of the rankings will be “the picks.” I will look into my Crystal Ball (which is actually a dirty old nerf football from 1989) and predict the outcome of each game involving a team I rank.

1. Chicago Bears-The Bears better start watching their backs because Shaun Alexander and Matt Hassellbeck are done hitting on the Seahawks trainers, and Rex Grossman needs to stop throwing the football like he is blindfolded. That being said, da’ Bears over da’ Vikings 20-14.

2. Seattle Seahawks- It only took one game for Shaun Alexander to become more popular then Starbucks in Seattle. My buddy at the Elias Sports Bureau didn’t call me back, but I don’t think that Seattle has ever lost a game following a week where their running back goes for over 200 yards on a snow covered field in Seattle, therefore, Seattle 17-13 over Denver.

3. Dallas Cowboys- Dallas should probably be number two, but Tony Romo is bound for a letdown and I can already see Bill Parcells’ face on Sunday when “Automatica” Gramatica misses a clutch fourth quarter field goal in the swirling Meadowlands winds. I’ll take the Giants 27-20.

4. Carolina Panthers- The Redskins are pathetic; the Panthers loss to the Redskins, the Panthers will win the NFC south. I’m not sure what all of this means, but I think it has something to do with the Carolina players watching week two of the playoffs from their family rooms. Luckily for the Panthers, Donovan McNabb will be watching from a hospital bed. Panthers 14-13 over the Eagles.

5. New Orleans Saints- “John, New Orleans is going to make the playoffs, they’re 5-1.” “Uhmm, the AFC North will beat the tar out of them, with only the Cleveland game being a toss up…”-me, in my week seven article. The Saints will slip into the playoffs at 9-7, and not because they’re good, but because the NFC doesn’t know it has to fill six spots. New Orleans 35-24 over the Niners.

6. St. Louis Rams- They are not a play off team, they couldn’t beat the 78’ Buccaneers, but the Cardinals won the World Series, so I think that’s good karma for the city, plus they’re the only team in contention that won last week. And speaking of the Cardinals, they’re going to St. Louis this week which is always good news for a team in the playoff picture. Rams 24-20 over the Cards.

AFC

1. Indianapolis Colts- If Indianapolis was in the NFC, they would have already locked up home field advantage for the next four years. The Colts are avg. 28 points a game this year, and I hate arguing with statistics, so Colts 28-17 over the Titans

2/3. San Diego Chargers, Baltimore Ravens- Yes Baltimore beat the Chargers earlier this year, but I’m ranking them by the fact that both of them had fluke victories over the Bengals. As such there is nothing to discern one team from the other, they are like identical twins, and one of those twins is going to get their teeth knocked in by their cousin in Cincinnati on Thursday night. My inside guy tells me the Bills take down the Chargers this weekend, 24-21. And for the Ravens score you will have to read further…

4. New England Patriots- The Patriots get to play the Detroit Lions on Sunday, they could send Tom Brady, their kicker and the water boy and I would still say 31-17 Pats.

5. CINCINNATI BENGALS- There are only two things that no one in America can do right now; find a Playstation 3 and stop the Bengals offense. I feel a blitzkrieg coming on Thursday night. Carson is going to carve up the Ravens defense like a Thanksgiving turkey. Chad Johnson is going to score more then Ron Jeremy at a playboy party. Bet your HD TV on this one, Bengals 27-20.

6. Denver Broncos- Watching the Broncos offense in action is extremely irritating, I imagine it would be comparable to doing a finger painting if I had no fingers. Jay Cutler will either roll his team to victory or choke like Jake Plummer did in that one game against Ohio State back in that one Rose Bowl. Wait, Plummer didn’t choke, Ohio State just happen to have the ball last, oh, same principle here, the better team will win, and sadly, Denver is not the better team. 17-13 Seahawks.