Week One NFL Power Rankings and Playoff Picks

Alright Bengals fans, here are my three Bengals related thoughts following week one, first and foremost; if I continue to be a Bengals fan, I’m going to be impotent, bald and homeless by week five. Secondly, my friend Mel came up to me Sunday morning before the game and said “John, stop worrying, there is no way the Bengals can lose, ESPN says that no team has ever won their opening game with a rookie head coach and a rookie quarterback starting at the same time, so Baltimore can’t win.” On a side note, Mel’s goal in life is to tell me a statistic that I’ve never heard before, even if it’s as stupid as the one above.  Anyway, I called my bookie 30 seconds later, because if I’ve learned one thing in life, it’s that if ESPN, Vegas and Mel all think the Bengals are going to win, not only are they not going to win, but they’re going to lose so embarrassingly bad that I’ll have to take some sort of Advil, valium, heroin combination after the game.