Titans at Bengals: I’ve complained enough about the Bengals this week. Carson Palmer got outdueled by Ocho Flacco, our offense looked like they were running a game plan devised by first graders and our defense’s unbelievable performance was completely overlooked. I’ll take the Titans 20-14, but only because I’m bitter.

Colts at Vikings: I’ve already said Peyton Manning won’t be game ready until October, this means he goes one for September as far as victories go. Vikings 27-20.

Falcons at Buccaneers: This is intriguing because the Falcons offense was suppose to look like brown stuff in the toilet, but they still managed to put up 34. I’ll take the Bucs though, 23-17.

Ravens at Texans: Flacco vs. Matt Schaub, I bet tickets are going for ten times face value for this classic matchup. This is the problem with week one, I don’t know if the Bengals offense was that bad or the Ravens defense was that good. I’ll go with Ocho Flacco and the Ravens 20-10.

Giants at Rams: I’m not even going to waste time with a witty or snide remark, the Rams don’t deserve it. Giants 41-21.

49ers at Seahawks: Nine times out of 10, this would be the crap game of the week, but unbelievably it’s not… Seahawks 24-13 over San Francisco.

Raiders at Chiefs: There is a bridge near Oakland, it’s called the Golden Gate Bridge; it’s high and has very cold wavy water beneath it, please do not let any Raider’s fans near it. Thank you. Chiefs 26-17 over the silver and black attack.